When families separate, emotions run high and questions about a child choosing a parent to live with naturally come up. Parents may wonder if a child’s wishes will decide where they live, or even share those hopes with their children.
Because this topic is often misunderstood, it is very important to get guidance from a caring, experienced family law lawyer who can help you and your child move forward in the healthiest way possible.
Is There a Set Age for a Child Choosing a Parent?
There is no simple answer. Once a child turns 18, they are considered an adult and can decide where to live without involving the courts but when it comes to minor children, the courts focus on what is in the best interests of the child, not just their wishes. That means there is no magic age, like 16, when a child automatically gets to choose. Instead, a judge looks at a variety of factors before making a decision about living arrangements.
How Does the Court Decide Which Parent a Child Lives With?
When a court is deciding issues like parenting time or decision-making, the main question is always: what is in the best interests of the child? Ontario’s laws require judges to consider several factors, including the child’s age and level of development, their relationship with each parent, and each parent’s ability to care for the child.
They will also consider the child’s cultural, religious, and linguistic background, whether there has been any history of family violence, and the child’s own views and preferences. No one factor is more important than the others, the court looks at the whole picture. It is important to work with a family law lawyer so you understand the factors at play in this decision.
How Much Weight Does a Child’s Choice Have?
The older and more mature a child is, the more seriously the court will take their opinion but even teenagers do not have the final say. In Ontario, the Court of Appeal has outlined that judges must consider how clear and strong the child’s views are, how mature and informed they are, how long they have had the preference, whether the child has been influenced by one parent over the other, and the practical reality of what the child is asking for. A child’s choice of parent is just one consideration within a much bigger analysis.
The Myth of the “Magic Age” of 16
Many people believe that once a child turns 16, they can simply decide where to live but that is not correct. Being 16 does not mean a child can automatically disregard parenting orders.
That said, it can be very difficult to force a determined 16 or 17-year-old to live somewhere they do not want to be. Judges recognize the practical challenges of forcing older teenagers into situations they refuse to accept. In extreme cases, courts may even decline to enforce parenting orders against an older teen, especially when it would clearly not be in the child’s best interests to do so.
How Does the Court Hear a Child’s Views?
Children are not usually asked to testify directly in court, instead, their views can be presented through different methods. A lawyer from the Office of the Children’s Lawyer may be appointed to represent the child’s views. Alternatively, a social worker or clinician can meet with the child and prepare a Voice of the Child Report.
In more complex cases, a full investigation by the Office of the Children’s Lawyer may be conducted, gathering information from the child, parents, and other sources to provide a broader picture of the family situation. Outside of court, mediators can also help parents understand a child’s preferences through interviews and neutral reports.
What Is the Office of the Children’s Lawyer (OCL)?
The Office of the Children’s Lawyer (OCL) is part of Ontario’s Ministry of the Attorney General. It represents children under the age of 18 in court cases involving parenting time, decision-making responsibility, and child protection issues. The OCL may provide a lawyer to represent a child directly or appoint a clinician to prepare a report that helps the court understand the child’s perspective.
Their involvement is requested by a judge and is free of charge for parents, but the OCL decides whether or not to accept each case. The OCL is typically involved where there are serious concerns about conflict between parents, allegations of abuse, or the child’s special needs.
Why Having the Right Family Law Lawyer To Advise You Matters
When it comes to sensitive issues like a child choosing a parent, having a knowledgeable and compassionate family law lawyer on your side makes all the difference. Family court decisions are rarely simple. Judges have to weigh many factors, and understanding how the system works — and how a child’s views are properly presented — requires real experience.
A good family law lawyer will not just know the law inside and out; they will also understand the emotional weight these cases carry. They will help you navigate the court process, make sure your child’s voice is heard in the right way, and work toward a solution that truly reflects your child’s best interests. When emotions are high and the stakes are even higher, having a lawyer who knows how to move both carefully and strategically can protect both you and your child’s future.
Is Your Child Choosing A Parent To Live With Adding Stress To Your Divorce Or Separation? Call Us, We’re Here to Support You
While a child’s views are important, the court’s main focus is always on the child’s best interests. There’s no set age when a minor can simply choose where they want to live and every situation is unique. If you are involved in a dispute about a child choosing one parent over another, speaking with an experienced family law lawyer and getting the right advice can help protect both your child’s well-being and your relationship with them.
At Scharff Nyland Chambers LLP, we help separating or divorcing parents across the GTA, Simcoe, and Grey Counties with their children’s right to choose where to live. With offices in Barrie, Toronto, Wasaga Beach, and Collingwood, we’re here to represent and support you. Book a consultation through our website or give us a call at 1-866-721-5851 to speak with a family lawyer today.
***The information provided in this blog is for general informational purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice. If you have legal questions, we strongly advise you to contact us.
